My Therapy
by CherryAvenue
Summary: Remy Hadley goes to her therapist again after a long time and she tells her everything about what she did...Including why she disappeared...
1. Love Therapy

**I was thinking of ideas for a new fanfic and I thought that maybe I could write something about why she disappeared****. And I kind of missed Cameron so I thought that it was good to take a break from Huddy and write more about Camteen 'cause girls are always fun...XD**

Remy was sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Caroline Giles, a well respected therapist that she'd known for two years already. It was a person that she went to after her diagnosis. If it weren't for her, she'd maybe never accepted her fate. I guess you could say she was saving people from themselves...

The chair in the waiting room was getting uncomfortable, the colors of the walls aggravated her more than calmed and the flowers on the table next to her were slowly falling, on account of being completely dry. Despite of those flaws in the decoration, Dr. Giles was a great therapist and Remy always thought of her as a friend. Even though she had to pay for a session.

The door finally opened and a tall woman walked out with a smile on her face. Remy didn't pay attention to her and because she knew she was next she walked inside without being asked. Caroline was sitting behind the desk, tuned away from the door and writing something on a blank paper. Remy closed the door and sat down into a nice, soft green armchair made from velveteen. She ran her fingers against the fibers a few times and looked up. Caroline was sitting across from her with a spoon in one hand and a coffee in the other. It was a good looking thin and elegant lady with a lot of spark and energy. And for her looks, you would never believe that she was thirty five. She had dark hair cut to her shoulders, big brown eyes and naturally red lips. Remy also liked her because she reminded her of her mother. She felt like she could say anything to her...

"Hi, Remy. It's been a while since we've seen each other..."

"Yeah, it has. But on the bright side, I at least don't feel that crazy if I'm not hooked on you..."

"So, if you don't need me, why are you here?"

"That's the thing...I do need to talk to you again."

"Have you been having a hard time lately?"

"Not really. I just needed to talk to somebody. I think I'm going back to 'denial'."

"You have nobody to talk to? I mean it's logical that you'd go rather to a friend than a doctor..."

"I don't think my friends would help me like you did."

"Okay. So what about other people in your life? Is there someone new?"

"It's more of an old new person. I recently started dating someone..."

"Is it one of your colleagues?"

"You know what? Let me tell you the whole story...

It stated after the lockdown in our hospital. One of the nurses accidentally took the baby. Before they found the baby, I was stuck in the cafeteria with Wilson for two hours. You know, my boss's best friend. We were playing 'truth of dare' and somehow we got to talk about relationships. And when we were supposed to go home, I realized that maybe I could have a relationship too. But this time outside of work. So I walked out of the hospital after flashing my colleague with an idea of a...true love.

I was on the parking lot and when I was going to my car, I noticed a blond woman who looked really familiar to me. She was looking under the hood of her car and she was swearing a lot. I kept thinking that I'd seen her before so I decided I should talk to her. I went all across the parking lot, because she parked really far from me. It was obvious that she didn't work there, otherwise she'd have her own parking space. When I got closer, I finally recognized her and back then it wasn't a sweet surprise...

"_Cameron?"_ I almost screamed.

"_Thirteen?"_ She looked up at me, completely surprised. I guess she didn't expect me to still work there. Maybe she just didn't want to see me. I think she didn't really like me before.

"_What are you doing here? Comin' back or runnin' away?"_

"_Apparently, neither. My car won't start..." _She said and walked to me.

"_You know I'm in a good mood today. Why don't you ride with me? Where do you live now?"_

"_I'm staying at the 'Panorama' hotel." _

"_Okay, no problem."_

"_Fine."_ She took her things, locked her car and we went to mine. Even though before I thought she hated me, somehow she seemed like a friend to me now.

"_So, what are you really doing here? I heard you left the city and went to back to Chicago..."_ I started up a conversation.

"_I had to go back here to talk to Chase. He didn't sign the divorce papers..."_

"_And did your visit work on him?"_

"_Yeah, it did..."_ She blushed.

"_Oh, what is that? Did you like 'came to a solution'?" _

"_Yes...We were __reminiscing for a while and then just one thing led to another and you know the end..."_

"_You're obviously still in love with him, why did you divorce him? I think he's such a nice guy..."_

"_He is...but he doesn't deserve me to torture him like that. I'm always emotionally unavailable with him, I'm afraid of big steps, I didn't even want go out with him the first place...He deserves a woman that's gonna love him for what a sweet and great guy he is..."_

"_That makes sense...I never thought you're that screwed up..."_ I don't even know why I snapped like this...

"_Let's see you after three years working for House. Then we'll see who's screwed up..."_

"_You're saying it's all because of him?"_

"_No, it isn't. People who he hires are usually screwed up already...I have to admit, I am, Foreman is and Chase too...I remember them in the beginning. They were both so different than they're now..."_

"_Okay, your right. I'm screwed up too..."_

"_What happened to you?"_

"_My mom died and I'm gonna be dead soon too because I have Huntington's..."_

"_Oh my god, I never knew that. I'm so sorry..."_ She really did look sorry, not like other people when you say this. It was a pure honesty...

"_That's okay, I've dealt with it...So what about you?"_ When I said that, we were at my parking space and we stopped to talk.

"_I married a dying man and since then I have a need to heal people..."_ She said with a smile.

"_That's why you had the hots for House?"_

"_We're not talking for more than ten minutes and you'd like to discuss personal things, despite of the fact that we barely talked to each other at work and have been basically rivals...That's a little weird. I wonder why you are so nice to me..."_

"_I think that you're just deflecting, because you don't want to talk about your feelings for House..."_

"_Okay, I may have had some feelings for him in the past but when I finally realized what a jerk he is, all those feelings were immediately gone..."_

"_Okay, I'll believe you..."_ We sat into the car and while I was driving we talked a little again...

"_You can't tell me that you've never liked House for at least a few seconds..."_ She broke the silence.

"_No, I certainly can't...House is a jerk but he has __his own charm. His intelligence is a part of that charm. A very significant one. He's a rebel, a bad boy, which attracts some kinds of women... And I can say that I'm one of them. But I could never love him..."_

"_I guess I'm just screwed up in a different way..."_

"_I'm not trying to pick on you, if that's what you think. I just think it's something worth to talk about..."_ I apologized.

"_It really doesn't matter now...I have no feelings for him anymore..."_

"_If you say so, I'll believe you. I think that you should know the best...And the hotel 'Panorama' is right in front of us..."_ And I stopped right next to the entrance.

"_Thank you for the ride. I'd be still stuck there if you haven't come..."_

"_My pleasure, it was a nice talk we had." _I don't even know how it happened but all of a sudden our eyes met and we went closer and closer 'till our lips touched...I've never got a kiss that sweet and full of love...It was so intense, so beautiful...


	2. A Magical Night

"Where was I?"

"You were talking about you and Cameron..."

"Oh, right...

We were kissing for a while and it was great...I've never felt such strong feeling about anyone before. And the weird thing was that an hour ago I basically hated her. I don't know why but she was somehow special. I slept with many men and women but this was the first time that I felt like we belong to each other...I can't believe that I never noticed how beautiful, kind and sweet she was. And now that I have noticed, I didn't want to let her go...

But she obviously wanted to let me go. After a minute of kissing me, she probably realized what she was doing and she pulled away. She was looking at me shocked for a while and then she got out of the car. I refused to let her run away like that so I got out too and I ran after her...

"_What are you doing?"_ I said when I stopped her outside on the parking lot.

"_I'm going to the hotel, just like I was planning to..."_

"_You can't just walk away like that..."_

"_What do you want from me? You think that just because we kissed for a few seconds I have to jump to bed with you?"_

"_Actually I would appreciate at least few words like __'That was nice', or at least 'It was a mistake'! I just don't want you to go without saying a word to me..."_ And then I softened my voice and I talked quieter..._"Especially if I know I feel something..."_ She didn't say a word. She looked more scared and confused than angry. So I put my hands around her waist and I kissed her again...This time she didn't resist, she didn't pull away. She just let me kiss her, touch her and press her against my body. And I felt it again. The warm and tickly feeling of not being alone, of knowing that there's someone who loves you the same as you love them. And I kept wanting more...

"_So what do you say?"_ I said when I stopped kissing her.

"_My flight's not leaving 'till tomorrow morning...You could stay, if you want..."_ I smiled and nodded. We walked towards the hotel entrance, the sky was clear and the moon was shinning bright. I thought about what next. What when she leaves? Am I ever going to tell Chase what happened? And could I talk her into staying here? I wanted her to stay so much. I didn't even know what I was going into. I just knew that I liked her really much. I kept saying to myself that if she rejected me, I shouldn't make a big deal about it. But it was a big deal, at least for me.

We were at the reception, Cameron took her key and we walked to the elevator on the other side of the hall. She had on her face something that you could call a smile and she didn't look disgusted or horrified. On the other hand she didn't speak to me the entire time we walked to her room, or when we were at the elevator. I couldn't figure out what she was thinking...

So I took a chance and I held her hand. She looked at me with a questioning look and I just smiled and squeezed her hand. We got to her room, she unlocked and let me in. I turned on the lights and I looked around the room. It was a nice one. It was orange and yellow colored, there were flowers on the table and the sheets were new. There was a balcony and a french window that let the moonlight and street lamp's light in. From the balcony there was a beautiful view on the whole Princeton and you could see the hospital from there too. The room was a beautiful place, designed for moments like these.

After I looked around, we both took off our coats, scarves and we went closer while looking into each other's eyes. She put her hands on my hips and looked down, kind of ashamed of what she was about to say...

"_Just so you know, I've never done this with a woman..." She smiled nervously._

"_It's actually not that different, except as a woman I don't have anything hidden in my pants..."_

We were both nervous and kind of fragile and the presence of a person who cares was more than we both ever expected. I closed my eyes and kissed her, not softly like before but passionately and deeply. She was afraid of this step, I could feel it in her kiss. Because doing this for a heterosexual can be a little weird. Of course, it wasn't for me. For me, it was an absolutely logical step. I liked her, she liked me and that made it obvious that something was going to happen.

I took of her shirt, enjoying the touch on her silky soft skin. Her lips tasted like a cherry lollipop...

After we had sex, we stayed up all night talking, she, holding me in her arms, me, holding her in mine. We were lying face to face, looking into each others eyes, watching the lips of the other one moving while she was whispering her secrets and desires. That's one of the advantages of being with a woman. She's a lover and a friend, all in one.

"_So, how do you feel?"_ I asked her quietly when we were 'finished'.

"_I feel weird__ and happy at the same time..." _And she smiled.

To be honest, I was literally horrified of what she'd say after. I was worried she wouldn't like it or that she's say it was a big mistake and I'd never see her again. I didn't even know what has gotten into me. For no apparent reason, I was falling in love…


	3. Don't Ever Leave

So I woke up the next day in the hotel room. She was gone and so was her suit case. I have to admit, I was surprised. I sort of thought she felt the same way. I felt like a fool. But then I saw a note on the bed. It said: _Remy, last night meant a lot to me but this is a relationship that I'm not sure we could handle. It's too complicated for us. But that'll never change how I feel…_

I couldn't do anything else than get dressed. I was really depressed. I had no idea how much her departure could affect me. When I was ready to go, the cleaning lady busted in.

"_Oh, I'm sorry I thought that blond lady was here alone…" _She apologized.

"_That's fine, I was just leaving… When did she leave?"_

"_I can't be more than fifteen minutes…" _

And then I realized something. The airport was thirty minutes away. _That means she's still here_…

"_Thank you…" _I smiled, gave her twenty bucks and I rushed out of the room.

Right then I truly understood why love is always compared to craziness. I was crazy, I felt crazy. It was a long shot but I kept going like it really mattered. I don't even know why I thought she'd be happy to see me. I just knew I wanted to see her. And yes, I know it sounds really selfish…

I was at the airport looking for Allison, but of course I couldn't seem to find her. But then I saw a blond woman walking across the lobby to the gate. It was the flight to Chicago and thought that it must be her.

Luckily it was.

"_Allison!"_ I shouted when she was about to go in. She stopped and turned her head. "Hi…" I said when I stood in front of her.

"_I kind of thought I made it clear…"_ She said, not really happy to see me.

"_You can't walk away just like that and think that a letter can stop me."_ I said and I could hear the hostesses guessing what kind of relationship we have.

"_Look, the other night, I don't know what to make of it. I'm really confused and I just know that if I keep on feeling what I feel right now, my life will be even more complicated than it already is…"_

"_Talk about complicated, do you think my life is easy?"_

"_No, of course not but…I've always made the wrong choice to fall in love and look what a disaster is my love life. I ripped out Chase's heart, just because the man I used to love made a mistake. When I get hurt, I hurt others…I don't want to hurt you too…"_ And she almost started to cry. I could see her tears sparkle in her eyes. I went closer to her, to calm her down…

"_You can't hurt me more than when you go through this door without promising me that you'll come back."_ I said to her and looked into her eyes.

"_I will…"_ She said and kissed me. The hostesses were no longer arguing about our relationship. They knew for sure.

After a while she pulled away and said those three magic words: _"I gotta go…"_

Okay, those were not THOSE three magic words. But it worked just as well.

"_So, when am I gonna see you?"_ I asked.

"_I don't know how it's gonna be at work, but I could fly in next Monday for a few days and maybe we could figure out some other way how to be together …"_

"_Okay, call me when you know…"_ I kissed her goodbye and she walked towards the gate. I felt a strange feeling as she was slowly leaving me. I felt loneliness and emptiness crawling into my heart and mind…And that was strange. I haven't felt like this since I was ten and I realized for the first time that I missed my mom and she's was not going to come back. I felt like Al wasn't going to come back…

And before she left my sight I could see her turn her head in my direction and smile. I let all of these feeling go away. I was sure that she will come back…


End file.
